I've traveled six hours to the North West to celebrate my 30th (OMFG I'm 30?? Shit.) birthday and decided on the trip I'd be doing an episode of The Cursing Cook from my grandma's house since she was one of my cooking influences while I was working my way towards my 30th (OMG) birthday. 




She want to go out for my birthday and said No Way Jose!  I brought BRISKET!  Now I am turning slightly yuppy-esque lately in that I prefer Grass Fed Beef to that awful grain fed, hormone filled crap you get at the store.  I know, just slap the shit right outta me will ya?  And it ought to be noted I am talking about brisket, and cooking it, at a vegetarians house.  Good sport isn't she?   Fair's fair and I'll tell ya allll about the veggies we made too.

And she's trying to make me believe there's Good Macaroni Salad.  Pshaw.  (Although I will admit I'd eat more of her's.  But only because it's my Grams.  And not yellow.  YARG) 

So for the brisket I made a rub, and because I got drunk the night before we had to vacuum seal it to Flash marinade it.  It was still Delicious.  Here's the rub I made.  It's more of a proportions kind of recipe than measurements.  Which is good!  It'll help ya'll get the hang of cooking by feel.  Have faith.  You can do it too!

Any-whozle!  The Rub.  It's a paste rub but you can mix all the dry bits and only grease it up when you're ready to use it.

Dry Stuff.

Smoked Paprika.  No really.  It needs to be smoked.  It tastes like something that way.
Dill.  I KNOW!  Sounds weird right?
Fresh Cracked Black Pepper.  Get a good grinder.  It's worth it.
Powdered Garlic
Dried Onion
Chili Powder
Kosher Salt (1/4 of the amount of all the other dry stuff.  No need to make it toooooo salty)

Wet Stuff

Diced, chopped, ground, paste (whatever you have) garlic.  2 or 3 heaping TBS of Garlic
Olive Oil.  Enough to make it pastey.  Not runny but smearable.

Start by rinsing your meat.

Ha. Hoo..ho. ha.  Rinsing you meat. HA.  I kill me.

Pat it dry and smear that paste on all sided.  You might want a plastic cutting board for this.  It's mess-ay.   Either marinade over night or vacuume seal it for as long as you have.  This is a long cooker so I hope you started early.  Figure on 40 minutes per pound at 300 degrees.  Make sure to put it on a rack or boiler pan, tin foil it tightly and check it every now and again.  If you start to get burned spots on the bottom of the pan add some water.  Scrubbing pans suuuuuuck. Plus you want gravy.  I alway start with water in the bottom.  It turns to broth.  No Shit.

Mmmmm..... Drool.  That's really it.  So easy.  So Good.




NOW!  For some SIDE DISHES.  Sides are sometimes the hardest to pick.  What goes with what meat.... what will every one like.... what isn't going to make you feel like you ate a brick?  At Grams it's always easy.  VEGGIES! 

I did some Roasted Broccoli.
(Broccoli florets coated in olive oil, chopped garlic and dusted with kosher salt.  You can even add a dash of chili powder.)

Roasted Cauliflower
(Same same as broccoli.)

Roast both at 350 for 25 to 30 minutes.

Yellow and Green Zucchini
(Olive oil, diced ginger (OOO ZINGY) and roast it off in the oven too.  Same bat channel same bat temp)

ALL VEGGIES NEED TO BE FLIPPED AT LEAST ONCE.  DO NOT LET THEM STICK.  Once they are out of the oven put them in a serving dish (or leave them on the cookie sheets, if you wanna be like me) and sprinkle them with Kosher Salt.

Roseeeeeeeemarty Smashed A-taters
I never peel taters.  Cut out the bad bits, chunk em up and boil them bitches.  I'm all about the easy.
I prefer fresh rosemary, but this time Mrs. Surra gave us some of her Daughters Dried rosemary.  I just poured a little heavy cream in a sauce pan, 1 TBS o'buttah and 3 or 4 big shakes of dried rosemary.  Heat it gently and stir it occasionally.  No need to boil, just reconstitute the herbies.  Once the taters are fall of'in the spork tender, drain and toss back in the pot.  Some peeps Rice there taters.  I don't have a ricer (yet) so we smash.  Add 1/2 to 1 stick oh'buttah, the rest of one of them little heavy creams and the herbed cream on the stove, and salt and pepper it too.  Give em a final smash to mix it all together and lid that baby to hold in the heat.

The last hour or so take the tin foil of'in the brisket (Keep the foil, we'll use it again later.)  You should salivate just by looking in the direction of the oven.

Once you get it out of the oven move the brisket off the pan and cover it again with your foil.  Meat needs to rest.  Ten minutes or so should be good. Think of it this way.  When you cook meat it's like wringing a wash cloth.  The juice gets squeezed out as the meat tightens up.  When you let meat rest it's like putting the washcloth down.  It unwinds to a more natural position allowing the juice to redistribute.  Make sense, no? 

Jeez, off track much?  NEVER.

I made gravy with the drippings. I made a runny paste out of flour and water first.  Drained the broiler pan into a sauce pan and added broth.  It will be SUPER salty if you don't add some more broth.  Drizzle in the runny paste while whisking vigorously.  No Lumps. REAL LOW HEAT helps not make tiny biscuits in your gravy.  Tiny bi quits kinda suck.




Now it's time to eat.  The brisket should be fork tender.  I did slices so everyone could get some of the tasty rub goodness. Load up your plates and dig in.  It's almost like a holiday.

WAIT A MINUTE!  MY BIRTHDAY SHOULD BE A FREAKIN NATIONAL HOLIDAY!!